In Defense of a Film I Didn't Know Needed Defending, the Holiday Classic (?) 'The Family Stone'

We are under attack.

[Clears throat] Are you one of those people who come December 26th is like, “Holiday cheer? It’s a wrap.” If so, I know your type. It’s always somewhat disorienting waking up on December 26th and entering the limbo between the holidays. With that in mind, I’m not sure discussions of holiday films are allowed for at least another ten or so months, but perhaps you’ll indulge me on this. See, yesterday afternoon I set out to do the same thing I’ve been doing every year on or around Christmas for the last 18 years: watching the Christmas classic, The Family Stone.

The titular family Stone in The Family Stone.

I am not a Love Actually or The Holiday household, and while I love me some Home Alone and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, I don’t crave annual rewatches (sorry if that’s sacrilegious). Since 2005, I have been a Family Stone household.

Sybil, Kelly, Everett, Ben, Susannah, Elizabeth, Thad, Patrick, Amy, Meredith, Julie, Brad and even John, the brother-in-law who doesn’t show up until one hour and thirty four minutes into the film to say only, “Okay, let’s start out with who’s that guy Amy’s making out with in the ambulance?” 

If I had to pinpoint a scene that really crystallizes my love for the family, that’s easy! Kelly (the patriarch played by Craig T. Nelson) and his son Ben (the “free spirit of the family,” according to production notes, played by Luke Wilson) sit in the bleachers of the high school football field. Kelly is eating brownies, and the pair is ostensibly taking a break away from the family to get stoned.

“So, it’s worse this time, isn’t it?” Ben asks his father, for the first time indicating that all is not right with Sybil’s health. “It’s not good,” Kelly responds. Ben questions why he and his siblings weren’t told sooner. “She wanted to wait until after Christmas.” Ben begins to sob. His father places his gloved hand over Ben’s bare one.

Warmth. Comfort. We cut to the house, where Meredith (the uptight love interest to the oldest son, Everett, played by thee Sarah Jessica Parker) is teaching Sybil (matriarch Diane Keaton) how to make the famous Morton family strata. Ben comes in, baked, and goes right for his mom, enveloping her in a hug. “I love you, mom.” 

Sybil realizes that Ben knows and that Kelly told her.

Amy (the youngest and most precious Stone, played by Rachel McAdams) walks in and realizes something is going on, which causes Sybil even more discomfort and Kelly even more guilt.

“You and Daddy have fun getting stoned?” Sybil asks Ben, which throws Amy off the scent, thus deescalating the situation. 

Is this a perfect movie? Far from it. Underdeveloped characters and plots abound. And don’t get me started on Julie Morton, Meredith’s sister, who arrives out of nowhere at the behest of Meredith only to fall in love with her soon-to-be-fiancé which is NBD in the end because Meredith’s too busy falling for her soon-to-be-fiancé’s brother. It’s clunky AF. And it doesn’t help that the multiple scenes given to Julie rob us of more time to develop the lesser-seen Stone’s — namely Amy, but also Thad and Sussanah. But all that aside, I love this movie. I love Meredith’s throat tickle and the way Thad watches Patrick clean the kitchen and Sybil’s favorite mug and the way Thad sits on his big brother Ben’s lap and I love how much everyone cries and I love the way Meredith’s foot bevels while she’s doing charades. This movie holds a special place in my and so many hearts for the way it delicately weaves together the complexities of a family dynamic. Dysfunctional? Irrational? Crazy? Sure! That, for many, is family.

So you can imagine my shock when last night, after putting up a post about the film, I was met with what I thought was a hot take besmirching the film’s reputation. “I won’t be gaslit into thinking this is a good movie,” one commenter wrote. I reposted it, ignorant to the fact that hers was not an unpopular opinion. I was then led to this Wall Street Journal article from (appropriately) just weeks ago: “The Christmas Movie People Love to Hate.” Can you guess which one it is? “Very few movies act as a narcotic the way that Family Stone does,” remarks one person interviewed for the story, who then admits that they both hate the film and watch it every year, which I’ve come to learn is common for many. This led me to other articles of the ilk that called the film “the most toxic holiday movie ever made” and “it's a horror movie in which the perfect family's perfect Christmas gets invaded by Sarah Jessica Parker, portraying the worst character in movie history.” Notice the hyperbole trend.

The worst character in movie history? I think not.

There were similar sentiments in my DMs. “Terrible movie about a smug, morally righteous family bullying a fragile newcomer into a breakdown. No thank you.” See, that first sentence had someone like me immediately hooked. Another one I loved: “This family was so shit to the guest. Fuck The Family Stone. Last year I got drunk and wrote a whole thesis about every little rude thing that fam did to SJP, who yes sucked, but c’mon.” Some were able to find a gray area: “I find hating a movie odd, but I do not understand the love for this movie. Seems to be a great cast that was underutilized and otherwise a story that was present but nothing groundbreaking. However, I will rewatch it now.”

But as my friend Brendan, a fellow Family Stone enthusiast, pointed out, “It’s the metric that people are using for Housewives in 2023 and it’s not accurate!!!!!!” It’s a conversation that I have with Brendan and his fellow Come Thru Queen co-host Dan a lot: This growing phenomenon of people thinking (or perhaps convincing themselves) that they want to see good-natured, well-adjusted, level-headed people on their screens as opposed to those more morally complex. Some (many?) people these days seem happier watching idealistic than realistic. I want families that are at each other’s throats à la The Bear’s “Fishes.” But I also need levity, like a drunk Sarah Jessica Parker saying, “Do you know what would be great? Do you know what would be just, like, the most perfect thing right now? If we could figure out... how to get a little pot.”

Yes, it’s insanity that Meredith doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with her soon-to-be fiancé and is willing to put her future sister-in-law out on the couch as a result. A demerit on Meredith. But it’s insane, too, that little Elizabeth ruins Meredith's heels and her mother’s solution is that perhaps they could glue it. Get serious, Susannah. Write her a goddamn check! Is it insane that advertisements called the family bohemian when they grew up in a multi-million, five-bedroom colonial home? Yes! The point is, one can pick apart the plotholes in this film, sure. Or, one can accept it for what it is and find the charm in its strange, at times disarming examination of a family under duress.

My feelings on this film are certainly informed by its long-standing presence in my life. “Who do you relate to most?” my fiancé asked during our rewatch. “None of them,” I told him, because I don’t see myself in this film or this family in my own. I don’t like or dislike these characters so much as they have come to be something family-like to me; fixtures in my life who don’t demand assessment because they simply show up when I need them to. I love them like my own family. Even Elizabeth for her callous mutilation of Meredith’s shoes. I don’t know if I need a prequel about Sybil and Kelly’s first Chrtistmas together (perhaps McAdams as a young Sybil) or a sequel that follows Amy and Brad. What I think I’m really craving is just a 20-year reunion in 2025 in which the cast sits at a table and reads through the script, smiling and laughing and reminiscing.

An excerpt from Entertainment Weekly’s 2020 oral history of the film: 

DANES: People really do watch this movie annually. That is something that is said to me. That feels so nice to have made something that continues to bring people pleasure.

WILSON: It just happened to be on one night during the pandemic and I wound up watching the whole thing and getting really moved by how sad it was at the end. I was like, "I'm in this thing and I'm sad."

KEATON: It was just one of those special movies. It felt good to make it.

Maybe it’s a great film, maybe it’s the worst. Maybe it’s a good film with bad characters. Or bad characters that make for good performances. Or bad people that make for good characters. I don’t know! What I do know is that I love this film, love both The Family Stone and the family Stone and will defend it and them fervently every year around this time now that I know we have haters among us. To quote erratic and homophobic individual but also gay rights icon Meredith Morton: “I don’t care whether you like me or not!”