You know what? It’s been a minute since I’ve dropped a Sex and the City reference, so if you’ll oblige me, it relates, I promise. It’s Season 2, Episode 10 when Carrie first says those big three words to Big. Big arrived at Carrie’s apartment to take her to dinner. “Well, what’s this for?” Carrie asks as she’s handed a mysterious bag. “Oh, I just saw it and thought of you,” Big says in that tone of his that somehow always feels slightly dismissive. Carrie opens the bag to reveal a jewel-encrusted, swan-shaped Judith Leiber clutch.
She reacts accordingly:
“It was wrong. It was just… wrong,” Carrie tells us in voiceover. Unsure of what to say, she says the words she’d been suppressing for some time: “I love you.” And though the episode zeroes in on Big’s inability to say the words back to her (“I fucking love you,” he finally tells her over the phone as the man Carrie brought home from the club lies next to her), it also highlights the alarm bells that Carrie and Carrie-like people (we’re multiplying!) face when receiving a gift intended to say “ILY” that instead reads as “I don’t know you at all.” As Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) once stated: “Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person.”
This gift guide, the first annual Shut Up Evan Gift Guide, is intended to assuage, or in some instances remedy, that. I like quirkiness and whimsy in a gift, but I value practicality above all else. You want a gift that’s specific enough that it tells something about you as a gift giver, while also feeling like you’ve got an awareness and regard for the gift receiver and their aesthetic/sensibility, while also (it’s a juggling act) not adding to the pile of *very Miranda Priestly voice* stuff that so many of us accumulate over time.
Everything on this list is stuff I use, have used, own or have owned. Nothing is sponsored. I get no kickback on the backend. This is solely intended to be a resource for Shut Up Evan readers, a peek into me as a gift giver with the hope of inspiring you in what can be a very stressful search. Looking for more? I’d highly recommend the Hung Up Gift Guide.
I thought about doing a tight edit and writing little blurbs for each, but I ended up thinking that in terms of my time allocation, breadth would be most helpful, so here’s 50+ items for your consideration.
Genuinely wishing you the happiest of holidays.
UNDER $50
Isle of Us Furikake Finishing Spice - $14
Maldon Smoked Sea Salt Flake Bucket - $16.89
Starface Big Lil Gift Set - $20
Armani Ginger Coated in Dark Chocolate - $20
Company Policy Nalgene - $22.40
Explorer Cold Brew - $24.99
‘Hello, Molly!: A Memoir’ Hardcover - $26.03
Superiority Burger Cookbook - $27.85
Marcel the Shell Heavy Metal Figurine - $30
Dorit “Chic” Wind Chime - $30
JJ Is Fashion 2024 Calendar - $30
Mark Glasgow "Actually No" T-Shirt - $32.62
Staff Oven Mitts - $34
Thnk 1994 Museum Mary-Kate and Ash-Tray - $35
Wonder Valley Olive Oil - $38
Carissa’s Pickle Rye Bread - $39.95
Stir Crazy Popcorn Machine - $39.99
Camp Hollow Mushroom Cake Topper - $45
Cold Picnic Tushy Bathmat - $50
UNDER $150
Sant Ambroeus Classic Cookie Tin - $52
The Metropolitan Museum of Art Tudors Polish Set - $54
TILIT x S.Pellegrino x FINI T-Shirt - $55
The Frankie Shop Bougie No. 4 Candle - $65
‘Colors of Sies Marjan’ Hardcover - $65
Sahadi’s Legendary Hummus Sampler - $69.95
Homecourt Steeped Rose Kitchen Trio - $70
Shut Up Evan Annual Subscription - $75
Loewe Tomato Leaves Liquid Soap - $77
Gardenheir Garden Clogs - $78
Addison Ross Chubbie Salt & Pepper Grinder - $90
Jimmy Standard Tank Top - $98 (use code SHUTUPEVAN at checkout for 30% off site-wide and free shipping through the end of December)
L'Appartement 4F Linen Baguette Bag - $100
Turkish Brass Pepper Mill - $105
Selahatin Mouthwash - $105
Béis Weekender - $108
Thom Browne Scented Origami Set - $110.95
Outlier Ultrafine Merino Cut T-Shirt - $125
Blu Dot Decade Chair - $150
Parvati Shallow Cameo - $150
OVER $150
Franca Penis Coffee Cup (Set of 4) - $160
City Bonfire Concrete Cone Fire Pit - $169.95
Tata Harper Multi-Masking Set - $245
Mutto Coat Hook Set - $275
Tala Alumina Lamp in Sage (Set of 2) - $340
JW Anderson X Wellipets Frog Loafers - $467
CDLP Home Robe - $475
Alexandra Von Furstenberg Neon Pink Nut Bowl - $595
Zankov Knit Alpaca and Mohair-Blend Throw - On sale for $726 (normally $1,100)
Marrow Signet Ring - $1,200 (use code ERK15 at checkout for 15% off anything on the site except engagement rings)
Hermès Dog Bowl - $1,275
Prada Saffiano leather Tic-Tac-Toe Set - $1,890
2-Night Stay at Hôtel Crillon Le Brave’s Signature Ventoux Suite - $~3,200