Call It the Jizz Effect: 'And Just Like That' Is (Finally) Cooking With Gas
Season 2, Episode 4 is teeming with cum-parisons and mayo mania.
When I saw this headline several weeks ago — “And Just Like That finally remembers what made Sex and the City great” — having watched the first four episodes in advance (seven were sent for press; I opted to stop at four), I immediately thought, "Actually, no, that's not the truth [Vox]." But after rewatching Episode Four on Thursday morning, a vibe shifted, and I'm starting to — to borrow an episode title from Season 1, Episode 10 — see the light.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have our clunkers — Carrie arguing in defense of her youth by telling Seema that she still has friends that call her “dude” and Seema suggesting, “Just ignore her, dude,” in response is a prime example.
But this week’s episode wasn’t just the most sexually explicit; it was also the most laugh-out-loud funny. It was light and breezy, like the backwards Chanel blouse Carrie wore in Season 3, Episode 15 of the original series.
And it wasn’t just one scene; it was top to bottom hilarious. Not chuckle-inducing, but actually, honest to goodness snort-worthy. No more vaginal wellness podcast ad reads, no more Che crocodile tears, no more piano ballads about feeling trapped on Park Avenue. This episode, instead, gave us just what we came for: hijinks… and lots of them.
We first were treated to a sex scene between Charlotte and Harry. Unlike the season opener, which saw her riding him amidst a montage overlaid by Elton John/Britney Spears’s "Hold Me Closer,” this scene leaned into what the original series excelled at most: the foibles of intercourse. (Shout out to Will Arnett’s Jack, a SATC Season Two man-of-the-week who is turned on by having sex in places one might get caught and refuses to stop when his parents walk in on him and Miranda, much to Miranda’s horror and disgust.) (Honorary mention to Alexander Lumley, the guy who shouts “you fucking bitch, you fucking whore” right before he climaxes in bed with Charlotte.)
The kids have just gone off to summer camp and they’re having missionary sex to celebrate. “You are so fuckin’ hot,” Harry tells Char. “You are so fuckin’ hot,” she replies enthusiastically. He announces he’s close and she suggests that he “cum on her tits.” “It’s not even my birthday,” he responds. “I know, but it’s like birthday and Hanukkah and Christmas all rolled into one!” At this point, Richard Burton York, their beloved bulldog, is scandalized and exits the room. Brilliant!
Harry stands up in bed and proceeds to shoot his load. Charlotte mashes her tits together, ready to receive. “We still got it, babe,” he tells her, lying down beside her. She grabs a tissue to wipe herself off, only to discover there’s nothing there. Dun dun dun.
We then cut to brunch the next day (our first Season 2 brunch with Miranda at the table) where Charlotte — the same Charlotte who once stormed out of the coffee shop after Samantha declared she was dating a guy with the funkiest-tasting spunk — is regaling the women with her exploits. She explains that though the orgasm was “present and powerful,” it was invisible. Carrie deems it “Casper the Friendly Cum.” Finally, the self-proclaimed sexual anthropologist we met in the SATC pilot and not the woman who responded “I would like to buy a vowel” when asked if she masturbated in the AJLT pilot.
We’ve got a stove. We’ve got water. But we still need gas.
“Can I ask how you made this discovery?” Miranda asks. “Well, normally he would cum inside of me,” Charlotte explains matter-of-factly. “Uh huh,” Miranda says, taking a bite of her salad without a hint of shock. “This was just a special treat since the kids were away,” Charlotte adds. “Aww,” Carrie says, with that signature SJP expression that hinges on both sweet and sarcastic.
We’ve got gas. Water is beginning to heat up.
“And this is a problem why? I mean, I haven’t been with a man in a while, but jizz-free sex sounds like an upgrade,” Miranda suggests. “Guess that should have been our first clue about you,” Carrie responds. Anthony laughs through his Botox, but Miranda presses, asking a question I was shocked to see lobbed at our recently chaste Carrie: “Do you enjoy it?”
You can hear the simmering as small bubbles begin to form.
“I’ve never given it any thought… literally, until this moment,” she responds.
The bubbles dissipate.
“But to me… jizz…”
A bubble forms.
“Jizz…”
More bubbles.
“Jizz…”
We’re about to boil, baby!
“Jizz is like an old friend that gets on your nerves, you know? I think I’d miss it if it were gone.”
With the water finally boiling, the teapot whistles so loud it breaks the sound barrier.
It was in this moment that I saw, maybe for the first time so far in And Just Like That, the girl Miranda was referring to when she told Big “go get our girl” in the penultimate episode of the original series.
It didn’t stop there! “Anthony, as the sole ejaculator in the group, can you shed any light on this particular phenomenon?” Miranda asks before taking another bite of her salad. “Thank you, Rachel Maddow,” he responds. “I believe the clinical term is dust balls. I have no personal experience with this, either as a cum-er or a cum-ee. I’m like a milking machine, if you must know.”
In place of the expected reaction shot of one of the ladies, we get a wide shot of Anthony asking for, appropriately, “a little more mayo, please.”
Then, really cooking with gas, Miranda keeps the momentum going with inspiration from Anthony’s bit. “See, I’ve never been a fan of mayo either. Another clue!” Keeping the ball in the air (am I fucking up the metaphor by going from boiling pot to volleyball?), Charlotte adds, “Well, I’ve always been a fan of mayo. It’s like the confetti at a parade. It’s like the finale of fireworks on the fourth of July.” Talk about a metaphor!
Then, capping off the moment with Kerri Strug at the 1996 Olympics-level precision, we get Miranda turning to Charlotte and giving what is instant AJLT canon, by declaring, “Who knew you were such a cum slut?”
And the laughs didn’t stop there. There’s Charlotte helping Harry do Kegel exercises and telling him to “think of your penis like an elephant’s trunk slurping from the river,” before she grabs his hand and shoves it on her crotch as inspiration.
And then there’s Carrie receiving an octogenarian dick pic while Gloria Steinem (yes, Gloria Steinem) is giving an inspiring speech in the same house that Miranda Priestly lived in in The Devil Wears Prada. (The detail of Gloria emerging from a bathroom seconds after flushing and ostensibly not washing her hands is… important!)
And we must touch down on the third appearance of Bitsy Von Muffling, who might be my favorite And Just Like That character. Bitsy is trying to set Carrie up with Marlon Schafter, the aforementioned octogenarian. “Don’t let the Albany area code throw you,” she says. “He also has a place in the city.” Bitsy calls sex with Marlon the best she’s had since “her Bobby”; “Of course, no one could please me in bed like my Bobby. So attentive to my needs.” Then, my second favorite line reading of the episode (after the cum slut, of course): “Mr. Broadway loved his lady.”
Was it a flawless episode of television? Hardly. The prolonged scenes of LTW’s anniversary dinner were… well, let’s just say: bring a book. The thwarted threesome between Miranda, Che and Lyle, Che’s ex who… drove across the country (?) with Che to help them move into their Hudson Yards (??) apartment lacked the comedy stylings that Cynthia Nixon is known for (see: Miranda getting sprayed with semen at the tantric sex workshop in Season Two of SATC).
And the much anticipated return of Steve was a whimper and not a bang (shout-out to David Eigenberg’s chest though!).
And yet. And yet! For the first time, fourteen episodes into AJLT, I finally got a proper serving of mayo on my SATC sandwich.
Ooh.. I didn’t have the stamina to go 14 episodes.. after the first two I was done.
100% agree - best episode so far. The conversation between Enid and Carrie at the start was my favorite - perfectly timed comedic performances and writing. Things are looking up. And we need more Enid.